Tuesday, September 19, 2006

i was treated to a reminder today. THERE'S NOTHING SO SPECIAL ABOUT ME THAT I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE PROUD OF. the details are kinda private. it just made me look at myself again, and shatter that optimistic, arrogant image i had of myself. well, maybe thats a good thing. at least i have gotten rid of that nauseous bout of optimism that has infected me lately. and itunes is fucking lagging again, its not helping. im listening to 'jesus of suburbia'. pretty fitting. why do i care? i've told myself, a million and one fucking times, i will NOT give a fuck. why do i still care? is it some sentimental part of me that just wont fucking die? cuz i want it to die. die in a world of pain, and never come back. maybe i'll be empty and emotionless, and then i wouldnt get hurt so much. i know i sound fucking self pitiful. i know it sounds like a fucked up soap opera. and, i don't give a fuck what you think anymore. and for what its worth, i'm not saying that to anyone in particular.

8:04 PM N